A Renewed Vow:

A Post-Birthday and Thanksgiving Message



To a child, a birthday is the happiest day the whole year round. Balloons would again crowd from spot to spot, as sumptuous food flood the tables and party bags get piled one after the other. Children would sing a happy birthday cheer, a wish would be prayed, and a candle blown would mark a turning point to a child's growing year.

To a teen, birthdays would mean parties. The bests in class would have to be invited. The hot chick, the chick magnet, the cheerleader, the boy-next-door, the prom queen, the varsity, the genius, the famous, the all-in-one package. All the friends would be there. The best friend, the childhood buddy, the hang-out chums, the topnotch mates, the exam co-cheaters, the other-section bud, the secret-envious friend, and the friend a teen is secretly envious with.

To an adult, birthdays are the good ol' days to be merry. it would mean bar hopping, drinking sessions, and worse, after-party-out-of-the-understatement activities.

To me, at this turning point of my once-forsaken (for me at least) life, my birthday is a gift itself.

Before my birthday, I was somehow struggling to make up for what I lost for myself. I was amidst the struggles of uplifting my social self. During those days, I couldn't find refuge to anyone. Whenever I get to find one, it was as if fate would want to play some petty games with me - games where I wasn't the 'llamado' nor the 'dejado', I was the bait.

I am from a broken family. But by being broken, many get to miss one point, that in spite of being broken, I am happy, we are happy. My family has become my inspiration, my will, my purpose. I know for a fact that I exist not only for myself, but for them as well. In the future, I know God would help me serve my purpose - to save my family, to let them survive with me, to give them the best life I could offer for them.

So it's an understatement that my family is my priority. In a list, they would rank number one. I need not to put God in the line up, for all you know, He is an understood number one already, like the understood 'you' in the imperative statement in grammar.

So, where do we go next?

Friends are one of my strengths, I could say. To them, I find my happiest moments and even the happiest moments when the saddest ones come. With them, I laugh when I'm overjoyed, and laugh more when all I wanted was to cry out all the pain deep in me.

Yet, friends are also one of my weaknesses. I value them so much that when one, especially the closer ones, decided to withdraw his/her journey with me, it would fee like I wanted to succumb to ashes than lose such friend. While friends are the armors which protect me, they are also he weakest points in my body which should be protected. For me, they are Hephaestus' armor and Achilles' heel at the same time.

With how I value friends, my fear of rejection could be taken account for. Even though I have a lot of good friends already, I still fear rejections from new ones. This rejection comes in a variety of ways - direct, indirect, dominant, recessive, or whatever. In whatsoever form it takes, it is still fearful to me.

I never imagined that I would be this person who would force myself to the wrong ones. I must admit I don't look good. My being a 'hartrab' was only a brand I get from my classmates, which I know and I accept only for play. In reality, I am ugly - a frog which couldn't be healed by a princess' kiss. But despite that, I shouldn't look pitiful. I shouldn't appear as if begging for attention. I don't deserve those. Physically unbearable as I may look, I deserve to be treated equally and with utmost care even (again, for me at least).

I was awake when my birthday came. I was happy when many didn't miss to greet me via text message. I was happy that there were some who managed to wake up at midnight just to give their warmest greetings. I felt blessed, but not so contented.

The sun rays from across my room was my alarm clock that morning. I woke up and Noticed a few more messages from friends, all about their wishes of a happy birthday for me. I was still sleepy then, not until my mom, with whom I was arguing the night before, came and embraced me. I felt love as it overflowed from my mom's system to mine. It made my day.

It made me realize that I must not be sad that day because there is no reason to be sad at all. Someone bid me goodbye, someone never saw my worth, but why be sad? Someone else deserves my friendship anyway. The best answer to someone who bids farewell is to wave back.

There might be no party that day, but I realized that I have the best gifts already - my family, my true friends, and those who accept me as I am. To all of you, my deepest unending gratitude.

. . . I wish that you be happy. Thank you for everything and I hope that you were able to pick up lessons from what you have read.


I am a better me now, and even getting better and better. Whether I am faking it or not, it's not the matter now. What's more important is that I'm moving forward, I'm trying at least. Thanks to my birthday, if not for this day, I would have been crawling through the nothingness of my laments, I would have been giving a damn over nothing.

As promised,
Cheeno ^^